Now what might that be, off in the distance? That speck upon the horizon is an old man, riding a bicycle whilst also looking snazzy in a suit. He is riding with his back straight and a helmet on his noggin, like a proper snazzy old man aught to. As shown by our photo, his arrival was celebrated with a parade, complete with a Lawton wearing his best neon pink shoelace bowtie and waving excitedly to the old man that he obviously admires greatly, and myself dressed to the nines as a 1970's era prostitute*. The old man, however, rode away on his bicycle, barely even noticing our appreciation of his existence further than glancing at the silly hats worn by several and the shortness of my dress. The old man too icily cool to do anything but ignore us; tossing our love back into our faces. This only turned us into more ravenous fans of the old man who dares to dream and wear a suit while riding a bike. We were crushed, yet eager to be crushed again by such a god among AARP members. Please return old man, please return as we ache for your closeness.
*A Russian one, named Ivanka.
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